I was thinking about how to start this article, how to be a good wife, and suddenly my husband literally gave me the lines without knowing he was giving me the introduction of an article. 😊
Coincidentally a few hours before writing this my husband carried me on his legs, held me and said “thank you for coming into my life”. It wasn’t his first time of saying it, so I smiled and asked why did you say that this time? He said “because you make me happy”. To that I said, I promised you I will make you happy. Didn’t you believe me when I said it? He said “I did but I didn’t think it will be easy for you to do”. I leaned more into him and said it’s easy. You inspire respect and I love you, that makes it easy for me to make you happy. 🥰 Love is beautiful I must say. And what he said is a confirmation that I am qualified to write this article, because I am being a good wife.
Why will my husband say he didn’t think it will be easy for me to do? It is because the woman I was before getting married was a woman used to taking care of things by herself for herself. She didn’t like to be corrected, she was somewhat arrogant and prideful. Had zero tolerance and very impatient. When all these are combined it makes it difficult for a wife to be submissive. But see me today, I’ve greatly improved! And I want to continue to improve on myself to be a better wife.
Let’s not get it twisted, there’s no perfect marriage out there, not in the real sense of perfection anyway. All couples have misunderstandings sometimes, and sometimes for some it isn’t pretty going through that. But the goal isn’t to be perfect, you just want to be mostly happy, and the few times you wouldn’t be happy in your marriage, you want there to still be a lot of love in your hearts for each other. And this is very attainable. If you marry a good man, and you do your best to be a good wife, then there’s no reason you shouldn’t have a happy home.
How to Be a Good Wife
Prepare to be a Good wife
If you want to be a good wife, you actually start working towards that much earlier before getting married. I know not everyone knew to do that or had the opportunity. But if you’re reading this and unmarried, then you have the opportunity to prepare yourself for the role of a wife.
I started thinking about what kind of wife I wanted to be and what kind of mother when I was in my mid 20s. And I didn’t get married until I was almost 40. So I had enough time to prepare. I had decided I wanted to be a wife who can financially complement her husband but still be always available to spend time with her husband and her kids, when she had them. So I quickly knew 9-5 job wasn’t for me. I knew I wanted a work from home business, and that’s what I pursued and fortunately I found something that worked for me, and now allows me the means to support the home when the need arises and still have that time freedom. Fortunately my husband’s work is flexible too so we are able to get a lot of alone time together. And when he goes to work, I am home when he gets back to discuss how our day went and make his meal.
My point is I didn’t automatically get here after getting married. I had planned ahead and worked for the life I wanted years before settling down. Money troubles and late work hours are some of the major challenges in marriages today.
Planning ahead for financial and time freedom is just one of the things I did to Prepare to be a Wife. There’s more to do as you’d see from the subject article.
If you happened to be married now without having that opportunity to plan ahead, it’s never too late. You can start working on it now and same for behavioral adjustments.
Communicate your Feelings
One of the quickest ways to build resentment and fall out of love with your husband is bottling things down. Not expressing yourself, your needs. Lack of communication threatens a healthy relationship. Make your partner hear you, make them understand what your concerns and issues are. If you communicate and they don’t get your point or don’t seem to get why you are angry or what they did wrong, find simpler ways to explain it.
As an example, my husband is a very intelligent man. He’s very deep. He doesn’t talk anyhow. Before he says something he must have thought about it. And he’s usually right. So when I would get upset over something he said or how he reacted to something I wanted, he is focused on explaining to me how what he said wasn’t out of place or why it made sense. And even when he is right about what he’s saying, that’s not the point for me. The point is, I got angry because of what you said whether you think it made sense for me to be angry or not is irrelevant. Something you said has upset me. So for a short while we struggled with that because in his trying to explain himself, I get angrier and the matter gets prolonged. I had to make him understand that he can be right and still try to understand my feelings and apologize. And the matter will end there.
When someone is angry with you, you have to first and foremost recognize their feelings that is hurt, acknowledge it and apologize for it before trying to express your intentions. That will ensure that all matters are quickly discussed and settled before they blow out into something they shouldn’t be.
So communicating isn’t enough, you want to make sure you are having effective communication. It is everything. Let’s not leave out that communication is a two way street. As you express yourself you also want to make the effort to listen to your spouse too. When we women are angry or feeling unheard we tend to start to talk over our husband as we become defensive. I have found myself doing that sometimes and I have to force myself to keep quiet and listen to his side too. Listening means hear the words and try to understand the point he is making.
Do not compare your Spouse with another
People are different and people express love differently. That my husband may be more expressive than yours or that yours is more romantic than mine doesn’t mean your husband loves you any less or that mine loves me any less. Also that another woman’s husband is more supportive with house chores and yours don’t help you doesn’t suddenly make yours a bad person or make their home a more happy place.
There are men that loves to cook or don’t mind cooking while their wives are at home and could have done it. And any woman will love that. But should you now start resenting yours for not being that way? Should you now start changing it for him at home all because you heard or saw another man doing that for his wife? Not at all. You will be surprised at the things your husband is good at that the other woman’s husband lacks. So be contented and focused on making your home a happy one. But like I said, communicate. If the area your husband is left wanting is something that bothers you a lot, find ways to express that politely and lovingly.
Do not bring a third party into your marriage
Never bring a third party into your marital affairs. Bringing a third party into a marriage is one of the biggest most common mistakes I feel people make in their marriages. It usually don’t end well. It’s easy for a husband and wife to forgive themselves behind closed doors and let issues go. But when others are now involved, it becomes harder. Aside that they may not have your best interest at heart, they may not be able to forgive your spouse after you do. When you report your husband to your mom, siblings and or friends you two will eventually discuss the matter and make peace but you see those you have told, some are likely to still hold grudges on your behalf and lose respect for your husband. You never want your family to lose respect for your husband. If they don’t have respect for your husband trust me they won’t have respect for you too.
The exception are women experiencing domestic violence in their marriage. If this is you, then please speak out and seek help from where you think you are likely to get it.
Treat the Home as one Unit
The day you got married, you and your husband became one. His home is your home. His cars are your cars. Everything he has belongs to you too now, vice versa. There shouldn’t be this is yours and this is mine. It shouldn’t matter who paid for this today and who paid for that tomorrow. If both are working both should be equally invested in taking care of the needs of the family. The attitude of your money is our money and my money is my money isn’t one a good wife should have. That’s a selfish attitude and should be done away with because it separates the home and leaves the man feeling used and overwhelmed. What’s the point of working if not to support the family to have a better life?
I’m not naive. I know this wouldn’t be possible in some homes because some spouse can take advantage of it. Like if the man sees that the woman is quick to support financially without asking him he can stop contributing as he should.
Well, men who do that aren’t responsible men. No responsible man will leave his role completely to a woman. But if that’s the situation you find yourself in, then use your head and do what you think will work best for your family. A better option worth trying first though will be to communicate your desire for the family with your husband, your desire for you both to do better and have a happy home. So that you both can start working towards it.
The day I agreed to get married, I made a promise to myself that I would give my best to the marriage to be a good wife. There’s no point getting married if I wouldn’t play my part to the best of my ability to create a happy home for us. And I know my husband is invested too in creating a happy home for us. And today we both see the genuine efforts the other is making everyday towards keeping our home happy. Even if your husband is not acting right you making effort to be a better wife can influence him to do the same. This is how to be a good wife.